As a facilitator who seeks to support a range of attendees, in a range of modalities, I recognize that the patterns inscribed by interlocking systems of oppression (e.g. racism, cisheterosexism, settler-colonialism, carceralism) are always and already with us as any group gathers, whether or not the oppressions overtly present themselves. Group agreements help people from many backgrounds figure out how they can best contribute to a space, learn from it, and be transformed by the process of self-governance, collective accountability, and conflict resolution permeated by love.

Workshops are not a space sealed from broader society, in fact they are constituted by broader society. Sometimes group agreements are written to address “when harm happens” rather than recognizing that harm is already happening. Group agreements, then, can be commitments to stopping the flow of activity to give attention to a noticing of oppression that becomes glaringly obvious to someone, or to support re-focusing on something acutely hurtful in order to deepen in intimacy and clarity for the remainder of the workshop. In order to support the development of group agreements (without overwhelming a newly gathered group by asking them to make many decisions together), I provide a number of them. I then ask the group to add, challenge, or raise questions about any of them with the purpose of establishing a set of agreements to which each person will commit. Here are mine, which I have learned and collected from many a group process over the last 20 years (I was a first-year in college at Spelman when I initially experienced both the process and power of making and keeping group agreements).

Confidentiality (names stay ideas leave)

Make I statements (avoid generalizations, about the people gathered or the broader movement)

Say what you mean, and mean what you say (avoid unnecessary apologies)

Empathize before criticize (get curious about another’s frame of reference)

Impact over intent (recognize that historic harm and ongoing injustice are still with us)

Make space and take space to make this a brave space (bring an awareness of how and when you are sharing your thoughts; no space is completely safe but if everyone holds tender awareness it enhances our courage)

Limited use of other technology while meeting (maximize presence, minimize distraction)

Self-regulate (take care of yourself, opt-out or opt-in as you wish)

Embrace complexity (make generative use of tension)

Balance urgency and pacing (discerning when to make fast decisions or when to slow down to make a more durable decision for the long run)

Listen to understand (reflect back

Yes, and (rather than yes, but)

Don’t yuck my yum (embrace the huge range of tastes and preferences that are present in the group)

Masks are acts of collective care (follow all collective health protocols that the group establishes)

Make access needs known (an effort to obtain disability justice will be pursued at the scale of the group)

Express don’t expound (a broad range of emotions is welcome and lecturing people isn’t the vibe we’re going for, if people want more information, they will follow up)

Pivot from punitive to rehabilitative (respond to behaviors by seeking to improve skills and functioning rather than penalizing mistakes)

_{Caption deep dive: The picture is actually a moment in which group agreements (which were cultural in the ancient eastern Mediterranean watershed) were broken. A woman reaches out to touch the feet and garment hem of a prominent male teacher. The ensuing exchange between them leads to both healing, and a broadening of the teacher’s and followers’ understanding of who is in “the group” and the impact of assumed agreements versus ones that people make together based on their needs. The story is covered theologically in Matthew 9:20-22 and Luke 8:43-48 in Christian scriptures.}